My 'Murica

I'm actually crying a little bit on the inside, sitting in the Newark Airport, longing to visit the beautiful city outside. But no one sees those tears on the inside, because just being back in America puts a silly smile on my tired face.

I love this place. Simple as that. I've been couting the days and I couldn't be more happy (okay, it wouldn't have been a negative thing if my flight had been on schedule, but oh well) to be back. It feels like coming back home. Being in this plain and a bit filthy airport, I can just feel my heart beating for America. It might sound like a cliche love story. But I don't know how else to describe it. It's just this warm feeling I get, that assures me that one day I HAVE to live here. It's hard to come up with an exact reason. Denmark is said to be one of the best countries to live in. I'm sure they're right, but like a shirt doesn't fit every body type - a society probably doesn't fit any mind set. At least not right now.

I've not been in every country in the world (even though it's on my list), so I'm not going to say America is the greatest country in the world and that this would be the perfect place for me to live. What I do know is, that it makes me happy to be here and then it is all worth it to me. Is this me falling in love with a dream? Maybe, but I'm willing to try and grab it and make it my American dream.

Quote of the day:
A little girl and her mom is talking about why the planes crossing the Atlantic are so big. The little girl knew the explanation:
"It's because all the Americans are so big. They couldn't fit in a regular plane."

To ALL the wonderful women out there

What would you do without your mom? I sure as heck don’t know! I got a little taste of it last night. My parents had gone to the Robbie Williams concert, which left me home with three younger siblings. When I came home I had to jump over toys, pass the empty pizza trays, just to find pop corns scattered all over the floor. I don’t know how those women (or men for that instance – all credit to gay couples as well) manage that mother job – joggling a full time job, cleaning, diapers and hopefully also a social life!

I sure was relieved and did truly appreciate it when my mom returned home this afternoon, which really is suitable since it is Mother’s Day. And it’s of course not all because of her over humanly skills at keeping a house clean (even though I hold that in high regard too). It’s because I she’s the most loving person I know. Someone I can always trust.

And isn’t that really what motherhood is about? It’s not blood. It’s love and care. On this day we should celebrate all mothers. Any woman can make a baby, but it takes so much more to raise a child. Again, it could be the gay couple or someone who has adopted a kid. They say that blood runs thicker than water. Well, the bond you tie with your kid is unbreakable. It’s strong as bone, but it really has nothing to do with being of the same blood and flesh.

I’m sending all my best thoughts to my American moms that each “adopted” me for a period of time. It wasn’t always easy, but they all taught me a little something about life and broadened my horizon. I’m so glad to say that I maintained a good relationship to my first host mom, S, even though it wasn’t meant to be, and I can’t wait to come visit Laura this summer (It’s less than two months away now – not like I’m counting or anything ;-) ). A Happy Mother’s day to both of them!

On a totally other note, that on the other hand does have a lot to do with flesh, and a little to do with gay. Every year, all of Europeans gather for one big celebration of the year. It’s not Christmas, no it’s a celebration of diversity and a really bad taste in music. I’m of course talking about the Eurovision Song Contest, that took place last night; one long parade of glitter, a party for the homosexual society and a time for all Europeans to gather around the TV screens.  I didn’t actually watch much of it, but really I didn’t have to. Before the show even started, I predicted that Austria would win. I mean, what is more Eurovision like than a Drag Queen with a beard? And how can you not love the name (that’s where the flesh, or really meat comes in) , Conchita Wurst?

She has already started a trend of course. There is now a hashtag called #ConchitaWursted, that is used when a beard is drawn on a picture of a woman. In two weeks we’re having the election for the European Parliament, and one of the first “victims” was my own favorite candidate. I was actually out hanging posters of her yesterday before the grand finale in the song competition. Some of her posters have gotten a more, let’s say hairy look in the meantime. Some will call it vandalism, but I guess Eurovision showed what the Europeans vote for; women with beard, and as long as they put their cross beside her name, I don’t care for beard or not.

Before: Samira Nawa Amini

After: Samira Nawa Sausage - you have been #ConchitaWursted

All Gambian Smile(s)

Do you know the name of the smallest country in Africa? I do, 'cause I just got myself some tickets to go to Gambia! I think I might be the happiest girl in the world. Not too bad, because then I'll fit right in on the Smiling Coast of Africa, as the tiny country also is called.

I turn 18 in October and what better gift than exploring a new continent. My parents are the best! I'll try to remember that for the next almost 10 months (Mom, you might have to remind me now and then. Sorry). And then in February next year me and my dad will be spending two weeks in the African sun. I hope I get to pet a crocodile. How cool would that be? I'm also trying to convince my dad, that we should take a class in African dance. Let's just say he is still undecided...
Anyway I can't wait. It's going to be freaking amazing - or should I say A-fric-amazing!!

Even the crocodiles smile

Just like them party smokers

Take 46 days, start two days early and end a day before time because you’re such a well-informed Christian, well then you got 47 days, which was what my lent consisted of. No candy – at all. You better believe I was ready for my morning chocolate on Saturday (What can I say? I thought that now Jesus had suffered and all, that my suffering was over too… Guess it was almost Sunday in Asia somewhere though). At first it felt really good to just be able to eat whatever you want to – free at last. But then I realized that I was just walking right back into the prison of sugar addiction. I’ve literally felt physically ill for the last two days. I’ve done mine to make up for the cake drought that lasted 47 days that’s for sure.

Do you know how happy this made me?! It was the next 20 pieces that did the harm -.-

Today I’m back on the no candy team. At least for now. I think I might just eat candy twice a week from now on. Food really has a social side to it. Do you know how awkward it is going to a birthday party without eating any cake? How rude it seems? What are you going to answer when your friends ask if you want to go for ice cream? You get the point, but on the other hand I don’t want to be craving like I used to. I want to be like the party smokers; not addicted but being able to enjoy a treat now and then.

On the note of addictions; this Easter my family went to Sweden. Out in middle of nowhere where the big decision of the day is whether to do a puzzle, read a book or go for a walk in the woods. I decided that my challenge that week was to not be online at all. I felt a little naked actually, but it was a great relief too. It’s a little embarrassing to realize how much time you spent on social media. Suddenly I had time to read And the Mountains Echoed as I wanted to for a while. I was much more present in the moment. Also because I knew that if anyone was trying to get a hold of me, I was geographically out of reach, so it didn’t matter if I was updated on that night’s parties. Definitely something I’ll try to be more aware of in the future – maybe I’ll even try to find another book! :-O

This week’s challenge is easy. The problem is that I (and - considering the size of the beauty industry – a lot of other girls) forget to do it.

Week #5: Look in the mirror, see all your flaws and tell yourself that you’re freaking worth it none the less

Happy Easter y'all! Hope you had some great chocolate as well ;-)

Quote of the day:

Outgoing as a hobby

Do you know that feeling when there is way too much on your mind? So much that it just blocks. Instead of doing something about your problems, they just keep growing, paralyzing you. You grow blind. It might be hard to talk about it, to get it out there, but a lot of times it is what it takes to clear your mind, thus the challenge of last week; to talk about my insecurities. Being open about it really did help. To say it aloud makes you face it, and then it is suddenly not that much of an inhibition. Open is great, I’m not going to blast my problems out all over the internet (*cough*Facebook-is-not-your-diary-peeps*cough*)

Already having friends is no excuse

Everyone who knows me well can tell you, that I’m not usually one to keep my mouth shut though. Few things make me as happy as talking to new people. In the States one could argue that it was my main hobby (hours spent on that even outnumbers the one spent on the court), but it’s different in Denmark. People don’t stop you in the grocery store and asks if you play basketball and if you smile at the person sitting across from you in the train (after you’ve searched the whole god damn thing to make sure there is no empty seats where you can sit all by yourself – God forbid you sit with a stranger, you weirdo!), it will be considered flirting - and you aren’t cute, we’re back to weird. It kind of put a stop to my outgoing attitude.

None the less it is possible to talk to strangers and feeling good about yourself, also means to be the person you wants to be – or at least for it. So that’s what I’m going to do.

Week #3: Talk to a stranger once a day

My pride comes first - or does it?

Do I miss my chocolate? Hell yeah. Do I always feel like going into that stinky room with the weights seems like the funniest way to spend an afternoon? Sometimes House of Cards is calling my name. But when I look back at my week being healthy is definitely one of the things I put most pride in. It's not that I'm turning into a body builder - try to drink one of those protein shakes. Ydrk. But still I put pride in going to my fitness classes (or whatever exercise it might be), overcoming myself and seeing the progress. It feels good that you have the power to say politely but firmly no to cake.

And that’s something I’ve paid more attention to this week according to my challenge.

Week #1: For every day of this week, you have to find one thing, you have done that day, that you are proud of

I’ll spare you the saint like details, and just high light the deed of the whole week that I’m the most proud of. Wednesday we had an orientation meeting about the YFU and guess who arranged it? This girl and one of my friends. I talked about it to one of my favorite Americans and her response was: “Why are there no adults to arrange it?!”. It’s a pretty good picture of the difference between the American and European (or at least) Danish view on teens. None the less I felt quite responsible. We had managed to take contact to the school, gather all the volunteers and get a meeting together for 35 people that wanted to hear what we had to say. Right until 5 minutes before the meeting I was quite stressed and worried, but afterwards you should have seen me dancing out that school. I’m not sure my feet were touching the ground.

One of those moments where you feel that nothing can stop you. Sadly that’s not always how I feel about myself (I’d be surprised if anyone ever did), and that’s the reason that I’m doing these challenges. I think that starting out with this challenge might have been a mistake. Because what really make you insecure are exactly the mistakes you find in your behavior, looks and so on. Facing those errors is probably the place you should start out, instead of trying to build on a cricket foundation as I just tried to. But I’ll just go ahead and “face that mistake” and make it this week’s challenge. Often our errors are much bigger in our own heads and just saying it (or writing it in a blog, did anyone say therapy?) aloud helps you realize that it actually is a bit silly. Plus it makes you able to do something about it. So let me present to you challenge of this week:

Week #2: Talk to one of your loved ones about your insecurities

Haha, hadn't really thought about that one

4 months later...

We've made it to March, April is right around the corner, January a distant memory and the New Years resolutions just another parenthesis in our life. Usually - believe it or not; I still remember mine. No, I'm not a saint and haven't changed my ways completely. I admit I've totally forgotten to live by it now and then. Can't just break a bad habit like that...

So here's to the revival of my New Year's resolution:

Self respect

Our brains have to process a lot of information every day and it has to trash some of the less important (just think of how much doesn't mattering information you pick up during an episode of Sherlock Homes for instance). I don't need a super detective to explain the mystery of the forgotten New Years Resolutions.

You gotta keep it activated. Now to the strategy; every week I'm going to do a challenge to keep up with my goal to have more self-respect (it's also gonna challenge me to keep my blog updated... Which has been quite dead, I know)

I respect people for what they do; how they treat others, them selves and what they do with their lives. To have real deep respect means that you need to know what you respect them for, so here's my first challenge:

Week #1: For every day of this week, you have to find one thing, you have done that day, that you are proud of

To kick off, I'll give to you the "deed of the day"; as part of my fast I'm eating any kind of sweets. Today marks 3 weeks free of all that sugary stuff - don't think I've gone that long without chocolate EVER. Only 27 days to go...

Stay tuned for more!

Happiness as a destination

"You are always happy!" Are you kidding me? I'll take it as a compliment, cause I definitely try. I wish I could say I always succeeded as well!

Rainy weather, rude comment, bad hair day and that one guy doesn't text you back. There can be many reasons that it's just not your day. What's worth noticing is how often it's your surroundings that affect you. You can probably see where I'm going... About to give you "be happy"-speech. If you know me, you will know that it truly is my attitude, but whether or not you follow it, I don't care. I just know that to me, being mad is a waste of precious time.

I woke up, thinking it was going to be great day. The sun was shinning and it seemed like spring had finally arrived. That illusion crushed when I literally crashed into a fence on my way to school. A road worker didn't see me coming. He walked right into me with a concrete block. It torn a whole in my pants, that revealed the wound he gave me and sent me crashing into a fence. Not really the way you want to start of your day.  It didn't hurt too bad then, but I was choked and the guy didn't even say sorry.

I walk into class a little late, since... Well, I didn't expect to be part of a collision on my way to school. My teacher gives me one look and says nothing. Happy to have some friends that are a little more caring, when I start crying in the middle of class. Even though I always hate crying in front of people, but I couldn't help it.

A group presentation that wasn't exactly ready, a missed train and another one that was canceled didn't exactly make my day better.

Still what I wanna remember from this day is that it finally seems like the spring is coming to Denmark. It's 59 °F and the entire school is eating lunch in the first sunshine. My little brother keeps asking if it's summer now. And one more thing; we can finally play basketball outside again. You have one guess who made the winning shot? The only girl on the court.

Like a camera, it's a question about what moments you choose to capture. I choose the picture of the guys' surprised faces when I made those last points.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T a'la 2014

“Oh my god, I’m so fat!”

“Oh girl, you really should start working out…”

“’Scuse me bitch, you calling me fat? Look in the mirror!”

Still worth the picture

You can substitute fat with messy hair, ratchet or all the other bad things, we walk around saying about ourselves. So many girls, says bad things about themselves, expecting other people to argue with them and tell them, that they’re beautiful – I do it myself. But how comes that I get mad when other people say something bad about me, but then do it myself? I expect other to treat me well, but pick on myself. I demand respect, but don’t give it to myself.

The annual pilgrimage to the fitness centers have started. And this year’s– because 2014 will definitely be the year – New Year’s resolution to get fit and live healthy still seems like a goal within reach. Right after quit smoking, losing weight is the most common New Year’s resolution. I’ll have to admit that I’m not much better and I just got myself a fitness membership as well, but my resolution is different this year. It can be summed up in one word; self-respect. In some way being healthy is included, because it all comes down to treat yourself right. My body deserves to get exercise and enough sleep, but even though I forget to work out or get too tempted by the deliciousness of chocolate, I have to accept that I don’t look like a model, but trust that I’ll get back on track. I think a lot of people should be less hard on themselves. I’ll start this year.

Quote of the year